i sat in synagogue saturday, fasting my alien sense of a lone wolfette gone wronger into full fledged forgiveness; for the harm i'd done this year to myself and others; for the fiery ring of my hyperalert rationale, for the mundane i'd let creep to monumental false importance, for the monsters i'd let out from behind safer doors of better judgement, for the crimes against humanity that take shape in selfish acts, inactions, and insistence on being overly right, and pedagogically so.
but i also made a certain peace.
in the sunblanched folding seats of renewal jews all in white, the JCC gym on Olympic felt like a new kind of home. As the rabbi made her call for radical chutzpah, for the courage to act in less-certain times, i thought of mom and dad at yom kippur so many years ago, in the critical moments before planning the move that would save us. When she had us all in full prostration, i thought of mom and julia in yoga somewhere in the world next to me, humbly folding with the same short legs. When the shofar satisfied the crowd's anticipation, of course, precious, farty louis came sitting on my heart, whose 11 year old epic blow surpassed all expectations, and his bone age.
from time to time as i thought of you instead of coffee, i sang, and stood, and simplified matters for a hopeful day at least.
Glad to see it worked, and your lovely thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhat a joy to hear your thinking and expanding generosity toward yourself and the rest of us. We are so lucky that you work so hard to connect everything.
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